Move over “Dear Abby”, my five year old is giving advice for the lovelorn now.
‘B’ is a girl who has been in school with #1 for a couple years. Last year she declared herself to be #1’s girlfriend and, being the kid he is, #1 sort of shrugged and went with it — much as he went along with it when she declared earlier this winter that she wasn’t his girlfriend anymore.
#2, my five year old Romeo, thinks everyone needs a girlfriend and has been passionately in love with one of his female classmates all year. Thus, he feels the need to help his older brother along from time to time:
#1 is sitting in the dining room playing a computer game. #2 is seated around the corner playing a game on the XBox. Both appear to have forgotten that their parents are also in the room.
#2: “[#1], when B tries to break up wif you jus tell her you don’t want to break up with her.”
#1: “But B already broke up with me.”
#2: “Oh.” [pause] “Well, you can just write her a letter and tell her in a note or somefin’, and then you won’t be breaked up anymore.” [pause] “Or you could call her on the phone or somefin’.” [pause] “Or you could get a diff’rent girlfriend. Dat would be good.”
#1: [thinks about this briefly] “Nah. That’s okay.”
Boys continue playing their respective games.