I have a history of pregnancy loss.
I have written about it here, and I’m generally pretty open when discussing it, but that does not mean I am unaffected by my experiences. I am very much affected — I am having a lot of difficulty finding happiness in this pregnancy. My most recent loss was particularly traumatic for me and it is taking me awhile to bounce back. I am now 22wks pregnant and everything seems to be going fine, but I do not feel secure or safe in the idea that this will turn out the way I hope.
My ability to find joy is a little broken.
I will not apologize for focusing the little excitement I can sum up right now on the idea that this baby will be a girl.
After three boys, the idea that there will be someone else who sits down to pee in this house is a little exciting for me.
Yes, I am aware that physical gender does not necessarily reflect a child’s sexual identity, but right now this is all I have to go on.
I have an extremely diverse group of friends. I fully embrace the concept that sexual identity is a sliding scale and not a binary state — my own gender and sexual identity can be described as fence-sitting, at best, and has been as long as I can remember — so I do understand that having a vagina and ovaries does not mean my child will identify as a straight female when she is grown.
I do not need this pointed out by people every time I express a modicum of joy or excitement.
I do not need naysayers and negative Nellies raining on the little parade I am able to summon up right now, so if you feel the need to educate me on gender identity issues please consider stuffing it. I find these reminders quite hurtful — an attack on my happiness. I am educated. I am aware. My children are raised in a house where these issues are discussed. My pregnancy is not your educational opportunity.
If you cannot be excited with me, that is fine. That is your issue, not mine.
However, as I try to teach my kids, if you don’t have anything nice to say, consider not saying anything at all.