Archive for the ‘Things I Do’ Category

My birthday is two weeks away.

Normally, birthdays aren’t a big deal for me — just another year older and hopefully an acknowledgement from my family, some cake, and ordering in some Indian food. My expectations are needfully low – high ones result in big disappointments, and I struggle to keep on top of my mood and anxiety as it is without creating the opportunity for failure.

This year is harder, though. This year I turn 40.

I have been reflecting on what this means for me, but I keep circling back to thinking about my brother. He would be turning 37 exactly two weeks after my birthday.

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I bought this necklace from infinite purpose jewelry a few years ago. I love it. At the time, with only the three boys in our lives, it summed up how I felt about our family. “We love loud” is something I’ve heard myself say many times and we do — some days louder than others.

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With the addition of our Miss Vee earlier this year, the volume of love in our house has hit fever pitch.

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You were drunk and sweaty, and reeked of cigarette smoke. You were wearing a red shirt and a medal. You were walking with a friend. It was late afternoon and the rain had stopped, the sun making the air sultry with humidity.

I was on my way to the store to run an errand after work.

I was wearing my baby in a carrier on my chest. I was watching the post-run competitors walking past me, each in their own happy group of friends, laughing and chatting about their day.

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I don’t write much about my 13 year old because I respect his desire for privacy. In return, he accepts that there are times when I will mention him, or share a picture. We have an understanding on this subject and I don’t push it.

He wants, and deserves, his personal space.

This last year, I have been watching him move into teenagerhood — becoming a “proto-adult”, as I refer to him — and it has been exciting and bittersweet to see. I admire the personality into which he is growing, and I have no worries about him getting lost in his peer group. He is comfortable in his own skin and I respect how well he knows himself.

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