Archive for the ‘Get Older’ Category

My birthday is two weeks away.

Normally, birthdays aren’t a big deal for me — just another year older and hopefully an acknowledgement from my family, some cake, and ordering in some Indian food. My expectations are needfully low – high ones result in big disappointments, and I struggle to keep on top of my mood and anxiety as it is without creating the opportunity for failure.

This year is harder, though. This year I turn 40.

I have been reflecting on what this means for me, but I keep circling back to thinking about my brother. He would be turning 37 exactly two weeks after my birthday.

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You were drunk and sweaty, and reeked of cigarette smoke. You were wearing a red shirt and a medal. You were walking with a friend. It was late afternoon and the rain had stopped, the sun making the air sultry with humidity.

I was on my way to the store to run an errand after work.

I was wearing my baby in a carrier on my chest. I was watching the post-run competitors walking past me, each in their own happy group of friends, laughing and chatting about their day.

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20 years ago yesterday I had my first date with this guy:

Me and the Mister

Me and the Mister, Halloween 1995

We met when I misspelled his name and he flamed me —
love at first byte, and all that.

I was freshly 19, having had my birthday the month before, and we had been emailing each other for about 6 weeks. He worked at my university and I was a freshman. We met on a local newsgroup when I misspelled his name and he flamed me — love at first byte, and all that.

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