Archive for the ‘Health Stuff’ Category

I am lumping all summer into this one update. We were here, there and everywhere, and September always feels like a fresh start!

I’m back to walking in the evenings, which is great. I am better about making sure I meet my water goals, and mostly watching what I eat. I went outside my comfort zone and bought a swim suit that shows way more of my chest than I would normally allow. I have returned to meal planning, which means fewer last minute, less nutritional meals for me and my family.

Big disappointment this morning when I logged into FitBit to log my measurements:

They did away with the option of logging body measurements on their site (along with 1.5 years of my data) without adequately warning their customers.

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Today I am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant with my 4th child. It was never supposed to get to this point. In my mind, #BabyTheLast was supposed to scribble an “I wuz here” on the uterus wall and make her escape around 38 weeks.

Alas, she seems to prefer hanging out on the inside when I’d much rather have her on the outside.

Babies can be so inconsiderate.

40w3d (more…)

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As the weeks remaining in this pregnancy diminish, so to shrinks my to-do list. There are still a lot of things left on it but they seem a little less insurmountable, a fraction less overwhelming. As I work through it on automatic pilot, my thoughts wander.

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my brother — being too familiar with signs of depression, I spend a lot of time assessing my feelings. I wonder if some of my disconnect with this pregnancy is the juxtaposition of his death against this arrival of new life. Some days I feel a little guilty that I get to have this experience, again, when he never did.

It feels weird and wrong to think this is a year that he isn’t here.

It feels strange to think he will never meet this baby.

Self-care is important and I have been avoiding it lately, in favour of focusing on all the tasks I have to complete before my due date. I know this isn’t healthy. I also know that holding on to strong emotions at this point in a pregnancy doesn’t work well for me — I bottle things inside and end up wound too tight when I need to be relaxing and letting go.

A Grief Observed - C. S. Lewis

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As I bid a welcome farewell to 2014 and face the upcoming new year, I complete a major transition in my life.

2014 is a year of grief I am only too willing to leave behind me. 2014 is a year of Goodbye and Letting Go.

2015 will be a year of Beginning Again and the year we complete our not-so-little family and move into the next stage of parenting — bidding farewell to fertility issues, pregnancy stress and babies.

2014 is the year I suffered and got through a traumatic pregnancy loss.

2014 is the year I lost my younger brother (and only sibling) to a tragic motorcycle crash.

2014 wasn’t all bad, though — it was also the first year since 1997 that I went back to Nova Scotia to celebrate Christmas with my parents, something new and exciting for my children.

Dusk, Annapolis Valley, Nova Scotia (26 Dec 2014)
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