Archive for the ‘Piss & Moan’ Category

This is my fault. This was my responsibility. I wasn’t on the ball, I screwed up and I created a mess of heartache for myself, in addition to untold hours’ worth of work over the next few months trying to sort out the aftermath.

I am responsible for the loss of five (FIVE!) years’  worth of family photos. I could point fingers, I could curse my stupid laptop — creating the situation in the first place — I could bemoan the fact that I take almost all the pictures of the kids (and, of course, it’s only my photos that have been lost) but I won’t, because this was my fault and I need to own that responsibility or I will carry this with me forever.

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As I sit here with my tea, contemplating my to-do list for the day, it struck me that I’ve not updated here in awhile. To be honest, Twitter is about the extent of my attention span at the moment and lends itself nicely to the “walk-by” updates as I pass the computer during the day.

I’m at a point where I’m forcing myself to let go of certain expectations of what will get done around the house before the baby is born. I’m also at the point where the incredible drive to get it all done is ramping up. Sometimes this works and I have an incredibly productive day, but at other times it leaves me feeling directionless and overwhelmed.

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We have a follow-up ultrasound today to check out a bunch of things that have been eating away at my brain for the past couple of months. So, of course, I’ve been sleeping like crap and fretting over every little twinge for about the same period of time.

It’s frustrating. As much as I tell myself that the baby will be fine, I’ll be fine, and (yay!) we might get to see if this will be a boy or a girl, my brain just wants to obsess about the “what if’s” and keep me up at night. I’m a planner and this feeling of emotional limbo is really making it hard to get motivated to get ready for May. About the only thing I’ve really gotten ready so far is an amazing stash of birth-18lb cloth diapers, covers, and a few new handknit-by-me wool covers.

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As an intriguing side note to my general pregnancy updates and complaints, I thought I would share that I can now fairly accurately identify the location of my ovary and attached cyst.

I will also share that Baby has been using it for target practice for the last couple hours.

Just kick me in the kidney, Kid — it’d hurt less.

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