Posts Tagged ‘C S Lewis’

As the weeks remaining in this pregnancy diminish, so to shrinks my to-do list. There are still a lot of things left on it but they seem a little less insurmountable, a fraction less overwhelming. As I work through it on automatic pilot, my thoughts wander.

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my brother — being too familiar with signs of depression, I spend a lot of time assessing my feelings. I wonder if some of my disconnect with this pregnancy is the juxtaposition of his death against this arrival of new life. Some days I feel a little guilty that I get to have this experience, again, when he never did.

It feels weird and wrong to think this is a year that he isn’t here.

It feels strange to think he will never meet this baby.

Self-care is important and I have been avoiding it lately, in favour of focusing on all the tasks I have to complete before my due date. I know this isn’t healthy. I also know that holding on to strong emotions at this point in a pregnancy doesn’t work well for me — I bottle things inside and end up wound too tight when I need to be relaxing and letting go.

A Grief Observed - C. S. Lewis

(more…)

Read Full Post »