Posts Tagged ‘effexor’

I’ve become a lazy blogger — too preoccupied with my gardening, I think, to do much more than contemplate posting. However, I’ve some stuff to share in point form:

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I’ve posted about my struggles with Effexor before.

When I started taking it, it was an incredible help — it made it possible for me to get out of a place wherein I was trapped with no hope of escape. There are few things in my life that have been scarier than being trapped in the quicksand of my own mind, and Effexor rescued me.

Every silver lining has a storm cloud above it, though, and Effexor proved this in spades.


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Okay, now that the smack has kicked in I feel less prone to unexpected floods of tears. This is a definate improvement, though I still feel pretty wiped from the emotional toll of going without for the past couple days.

Good things so far today:

  1. #2 being a sweetheart on the way home from school, chuntering about this and that and then telling me that he wants to lie down for a snuggle this afternoon so I can have a little nap and he can watch a movie before going to get his brother. He’s a pretty perceptive kid when he’s not trying to be an entertainer.
  2. Stopping at the chip truck for poutine and pogo with #2 on the way home and basking in his glee over the Orange Crush I bought. (I normally never buy pop — dh has kegged healthy grape “soda” for them at home.)
  3. Having a second cup of really hot, really sweet orange pekoe tea. I’ve cut back to only a cup of coffee (or two really weak cups) a day for the past couple weeks and am starting to shift myself back to tea for awhile.
  4. Finally getting the kids and myself library cards and making plans with #2 to go over when #1 is at judo tonight to pick out a book. His excitement is a bit infectious and that’s a contagion I’m quite happy to be exposed to at the moment.
  5. Dh finally agreeing to looking at purchasing a deli slicer. I’ve been wanting one of those babies for *years*.
  6. Seeing that the weather should be awesome for the last Brew’n’Q of the season and already knowing what I will be making for my food contribution.

I am still rather wiped out and am finding motivation hard today, but at least I’m able to smile at something again

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I’m back on the smack as apparantly neither I nor my family can handle me being off it. After an incredibly unstable 24hrs with several breakdowns over a number of minor things, my brain shooting off into scary places, and a lot of crying, I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to get off this crap or if it has fried my brain so much that I can’t function without it. I had an anxiety attack over making a ham sandwich this morning. We drove the kids to school because, after yesterday, the idea of walking them made me half hysterical. I hate contemplating what my kids will remember from these past couple years and how it might make them feel about me. I contemplated journalling my feelings last night on paper, but quite honestly I don’t want to remember this. I hate feeling weak and helpless. I hate my lack of Cope. I hate this feeling that I’m 32 and all my potential is long since gone. I hate not being able to turn off my brain. I hate being a downer for everyone. I am just so freaking *done* with this, but feeling defeated because I don’t know how to make it *be* done. This is not how I imagined I would be at this point in my life and it makes me so very sad.

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