Posts Tagged ‘hope’

2014 has been a year. Not to wish the remaining four months away, I hope I’ve had all the bad news I’m going to get.

There’s only so much a gal can take.

While the miscarriage in the Spring rocked me, the sudden and unexpected death of my brother — my only sibling — in July has changed the map of my world forever. I’m still too raw to write about it — it will need time to settle before I can commit my feelings to words.

Timing being what it is, I found out about his death on the heels of an ultrasound to confirm a pregnancy I hadn’t expected so soon. Joy followed by grief, life followed by death — the juxtaposition wasn’t lost on me. There is an order to things, a sometimes awful balance.

I had repeat ultrasounds for several weeks, checking on growth, heartbeat, and health, eventually realizing it was time to register with my midwives.

Blomidon, Nova Scotia

Blomidon, Nova Scotia

At 11wks, as I prepared for my three week trip to Nova Scotia to be with my family for my brother’s memorial, I asked them if I should have any concerns, given my history. Reassured that everything would be fine, I packed up my kids and my friend and her kids into my Suburban and headed for the coast. Of course, no road for me lately has seemed smooth, so on the last weekend there I ended up in Emergency with subchorionic bleeding.

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