2014 has been a year. Not to wish the remaining four months away, I hope I’ve had all the bad news I’m going to get.

There’s only so much a gal can take.

While the miscarriage in the Spring rocked me, the sudden and unexpected death of my brother — my only sibling — in July has changed the map of my world forever. I’m still too raw to write about it — it will need time to settle before I can commit my feelings to words.

Timing being what it is, I found out about his death on the heels of an ultrasound to confirm a pregnancy I hadn’t expected so soon. Joy followed by grief, life followed by death — the juxtaposition wasn’t lost on me. There is an order to things, a sometimes awful balance.

I had repeat ultrasounds for several weeks, checking on growth, heartbeat, and health, eventually realizing it was time to register with my midwives.

Blomidon, Nova Scotia

Blomidon, Nova Scotia

At 11wks, as I prepared for my three week trip to Nova Scotia to be with my family for my brother’s memorial, I asked them if I should have any concerns, given my history. Reassured that everything would be fine, I packed up my kids and my friend and her kids into my Suburban and headed for the coast. Of course, no road for me lately has seemed smooth, so on the last weekend there I ended up in Emergency with subchorionic bleeding.

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mm_logo_wordmark_reverseI had to get the exciting bit out of the way first — I’ve been a fan of Mastermind Toys since my older guys were babies, ordering many toys from their online shop. They are now opening their third Ottawa location in Chapman Mills Marketplace.

They are throwing a party and we’re all invited!

Attend the Grand Opening celebrations at 71 Marketplace Ave, from July 10-13, 2014, and receive loot bags for your kids, a special offer for you, and participate in giveaways. Attentive staff will be on hand to help you and complimentary gift wrapping will be available all weekend.

Did I mention the cupcakes? Who can say no to cupcakes?! (PSA: cupcakes are on Saturday only.)

Mastermind Toys has published their list of Hot Summer Toys, and was kind enough to send us something to play with, too!IMG_0308 Continue Reading »

Spring in Ottawa is a fleeting experience. Too soon, the cold of winter melts into the heat and humidity of summer, leaving a few short weeks of warming days and cooler nights.

The Springs of my Nova Scotian childhood were longer, damper, and a gently unfolding discovery of emerging bulbs, new leaves, violets and a hidden world slowly coming back to life.

Spring, in my mind, has a scent — wet mud with a tinge of cut grass wafting on a warm, salted breeze.

The aroma of Spring holds a high note of violets and lilac blossoms, and a bottom note of farmer’s fields.

Spring in Ottawa smells like this, too, for about a week.

It’s sandwiched between the “melting stage” (dog poo, vehicle exhaust, and skating rink) and the “cook an egg on the sidewalk” stage (chip truck, hot parking lot, splash pad chlorine).

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4 AM has been creeping up on me.

4 AM– too bright to pretend it is nighttime, but my body is too tired to get up.

4 AM is when my brain kicks into overdrive: planning, pondering, wondering, worrying. 4 AM is when I’m reminded that my depression is right there, over my right shoulder, waiting for that weak moment, waiting for the opportunity to squeeze through a crack in the wall of my self-esteem.

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